The shadow and the Light
Like an actor on a film set, I played several roles and participated in different scenes on the flat earth of a circular planet stuck on the immense canvas of a Universe populated with stars and worlds to discover. In short, this is what the scientists and my educators wanted me to believe within the four walls of their school program. The set was indeed ‟my lifeʺ which I could paint you as a sad and dark picture. As a child, I already looked as sad as a little baby who had lost his mother; it was that I saw this world as a deep well where billions of people had fallen, running here and there in search of happiness forgetting that they had fallen down ‟belowʺ, far from the light “up aboveʺ. As a teenager, an inner flame ignited in me, giving way to anger; this flame was fanned by social pressure, the media and the zeal of my educators who wanted to weave their webs by force or by love as if to wrap me in a huge cocoon of ideas and ideals supposedly coming from brilliant civilizations and illustrious characters all dead and washed away in the sands of time. It was clear to me that this conditioning prevented me from rising to the luminous surface out of the well from which I had fallen. I knew that I was trapped and that I was silently playing the role of a victim among many others, well conditioned I was participating in an infernal machination that I did not know how to describe and that made me sick to the point that my anger flared up more and more. The sight of people living according to their passions, the learned ways of living -conventional or rebellious- and even my own life disgusted me to the core. At only 16 years old I already had suicidal ideas, but my attempts having failed, as if a Hand was holding me back, I kept walking on this flat earth. Having thus known the deep abyss of sadness and despair I went back up with precious pearls as if a Hand was guiding me in the depths of myself to grope in the right places in the invisible sands of a landscape of darkness at the bottom of nowhere. So, when I became a young adult, I would try to paint a picture for myself, like a landscape, with the pearls found in the abyss of myself to try to get a sense of the Evil that enveloped me and also why we had to work all “our livesʺ to earn money at the cost of it to buy dreams and trivia. I had never opened a Bible or read the Gospel, but I had the certainty that a Being governed all that we see, I called it The Source and I sought to know it. So, I started reading books on spirituality, magic, angels, hoping to get closer to this Source. My efforts did not bear fruit until the days when, still sinking into depression, I had this crazy idea: And if I had no being, no personality, if I got rid of all that, wouldn’t that be the secret of happiness? I knew I had found a key, but I had to find the Door. I had to find The Source to finally have a clear mind about this realization. Indeed, I had just realized something major in my mysterious quest namely that everyone’s passions come precisely from their “selfʺ and that if we abolished our “selfʺ that would be the cure for the Evil that plagues us. I had certainly understood Evil, but I had to meet the Source to confirm this revelation. So, I continued to walk on this flat earth like a stranger in a human tide, sinking a little into madness and ecstasy, my inner flame subsided a little. While continuing my research I met people who like me were looking for God, they said, until one day a Christian friend recommended me to read an explanation of inspired texts of the Bible on Internet… That day, in the Cloud I met Zerubbabel, the cocoon isolating me from the Real for all these years burst and I saw the Reality as we have to see it, apart from words, ideas, precepts: There was only an infinite light without limit or definition. I had finally found the One who opened the treasure of the Inexpressible.
